It Ain’t Any Better

Now I remember why I don’t fly. It’s all coming back to me. The lines. The crowds. The get-all-but-naked security theater.

I know part of it is because I fly out of Atlanta. I remember the new ATL terminal when it opened. I’m pretty sure I came out for opening day. It looked so big. So new. So cool. Of course, I was young too. That might have something to do with it. The older I get, the more I try to insulate myself from life’s hassles. It would be difficult to move the masses that go through Atlanta without some hassles.

But still, you have to wonder about a 5-6 hour experience that is so unpleasant that I’m willing to take a 2-day drive to avoid it. The hassle of driving isn’t that unpleasant. Staying in a hotel isn’t that unpleasant. Most of the time, I even enjoy seeing new scenery and meeting new people.

When I travel on an airline, I might see some new scenery and meet some new people. But I also have to listen to the incessant “Homeland Security” announcements, the maddening beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep of the golf carts mixed with the melodious voices of the gate agents endlessly reminding all the functioning adults that there is a correct way to line up to stand in line so we can get to another line.

I can never quite shake the feeling that -- instead of having an exciting travel adventure -- I’m actually just another steer being led off to slaughter.

Moo.

(P.S. Wi-Fi in Vegas is scarcer than you would think.)

Don Brown
March 2, 2009